Candid Carol ( Rides Again): Marriage; Two-Way Streets Vs Traffic Circles

Forward Note: The photo above was taken on what I thought would be the start of a lifetime together, it would turn out to be one of the best lessons in love, loss, letting go, forgiveness, and moving on that I probably will ever receive. The irony of this photo is that here is a street with a crossroad in the background  and it truly is a perfect metaphor for how two lanes of people, strangers, met and collided.

 May you, those of you in a marriage or getting ready to enter one come to understand the differences between a Tow-way Street and a traffic circle in your relationships. Have a blessed day and marriage!
 

They say that marriage is a two way street, that in all ways, the parts should be an equal exchange of comings and goings. I say that this theory on marriage is completely wrong and is truly a false narrative.

In fact, what I have determined through my own marriage experience is that when I have viewed us as two sides, or in this case two streets it implies automatically that our directions are not on an equal trajectory. I’ve unintentionally set us up for failure on a collective collision course doomed and bound for epic failure; of imbalance. 

Think for a moment about how the rules of engagement are in relation to our streets, you have two sides of which each is proceeding in opposite directions. If you cross over, you collide with incoming traffic and could then be hurt or even worse killed. So, the rules of highway etiquette  are written so that you both remain in your lane. With that being said, it begs the question 🏾‍♀️ If I remain in my lane and you in yours then how do we effectively couple, how do we merge together, and how do we achieve our life goals when we reach the crossroads of our lives?

The short answer is WE DON'T’, especially if we approach our marriages like we do our streets ! What we often instead do is we run the risk of daily collisions within our relationships, and on most days we live together side by side, yet only existing as passerby’s . It doesn't have to be this way, however, no, the way I see it is that in order to better connect, I believe that our marriages have to become better glued together with a set of interconnected rules of engagement that  will ultimately end up making better sense for our long term success as a couple. These rules of engagement need to be written in such a way that they force us as strangers ( just like at a crossroad)  to work collaboratively to better achieve our relationship goals safely.

So, does this mean we can’t have or seek our own paths in life? No, not at all, it would be unwise and unhealthy to not pursue external interests. No, what I’m suggesting is that we re-imagine our roads and streets in our marriages.

Take for instance the construction and design of a round about ( I am not gonna lie, I never liked them but now have a deeper appreciation for their use). When you approach a round about ( aka a traffic circle) you do so with caution ⚠️ . The roads intersect and merge into one continuous direction of which you must carefully negotiate and maneuver through in order to reach your destination safely .

When all the cars are timed right, and when one pauses and let’s the next one in, and when you’ve safely been guided to the next exit without any accidents or collisions there is an oddly satisfying sense of achievement and peace. That’s how I see marriage as our crossroads of meeting, guiding, trusting and propelling one another to the next level ... together and in tandem.

The first time you enter that circle it’s unnerving for sure , but the next time it gets easier and easier, and you know your place and you start to better understand your position in the circle ⭕️. Moreover, you discover that through the cooperative synced timing of the circles natural flow you move through it together more naturally and in a continuum of support, motivation and emotional guidance.

Yes, this is how I see marriage today a merger made on the faith  that you have in someone you don’t know but somehow you guide each other through time and time again merging on the same road , the same street, the same continuous circle as opposed to meeting at intersections passing each other bye going in opposite directions.

I can only hope that the next time I meet a stranger; our trust in each other’s support and guidance will be meet within the circles of life’s streets and I am no longer a passerby

Happy Sunday Folk!

Candid Carol 

 

 Carol Hill is a mom, a long time nurse, certified professional  life and leadership development coach, a consultant, and Lead Happiness Ambassador and the owner/operator of Just Chill Custom Gifting By Carol.