Being a Popular Nobody

 

Have you ever felt like a popular nobody? I mean in one sense you are well known and liked by others but in another sense, you are very easily forgotten and often replaceable ( or…well at least it feels that way to you anyway).

The problem I have come to realize with being of both these worlds is not that people forget you, as much as it is that we fail on most occasions to extend our selves to the people in our lives more often. Usually the normal decline is that “you’re too busy”, too busy working, too busy bringing in a relationship, too busy trying to do the right thing, just too damn busy. It becomes a catch all phrase for I am just overwhelmed.

I am a popular nobody; I think I have always been one. I think my sense of independence scares off most people (not just man people, but female friend people as well). At times I think it even scares me, to know, most days I could live quite happily void of people. This is not to suggest; however, this is how we prefer to be as popular nobodies it is just how our lives have conditioned us to be; it is a trauma response I believe. Unfortunately, many of us popular nobodies have grown a custom to living outside the fringes of our various relationships.

Often times I believe because of this conditioning we appear and seem both distant and cold to those who do not live our experiences. We base a great deal of what we do and how we interact with people on logic and on our emotions.  I honestly think people forget us not because they do not care but because they see us content in our state of aloneness and they figure we are just fine.

Most days I would agree with that assessment because most days, I am myself, pretty content being alone. But as with everyone else we popular nobodies do long for meaningful relationships be they of a romantic nature, a friendly, or of a professional nature; we are not void of feeling. On the contrary, that is also our biggest problem, we feel too much most days. It gets overwhelming and we tend to retreat to a fault.

Not surprisingly, popular nobodies are by default are also often empaths... we usually have a broad section of friends and can often have very complex relationships. Sadly, however, because of this we also tend to enter into unfavorable relationships because we get to caught up in our emotions, especially when we’ve been in a place of solitude for WAY too long. Now…. add to this, a pandemic that promotes aloneness and discourages connection and it can be an all-consuming recipe for a psychological disaster.

So what do we do about it? How to we stop the spiraling of becoming out of control with the painful pangs of social detachment?  Simple, we do what we can do to reconnect that is what we do, we reach out to those in our circle  ( we all have them…even us independent empaths) and we remind ourselves that we DO  matter among our people. We remind ourselves we are not forgotten at all, and we continue swiftly along past the comfort of our solitude back to a state of connectivity with our people.

I am not at all claiming that It is not an easy process, but it is a very necessary one we must take in order to preserve our mental, emotional, and spiritual wellness. People, no matter how independent or how popular need to be connected to GOOD people! It is, in fact,  necessary to live your life among those who matter and who help you realize that you are in fact a popular somebody! Never forget that ... you are a popular somebody! 

 

 

Carol Hill is a mom, a long time nurse, certified professional  life and leadership development coach, a consultant, and Lead Happiness Ambassador and the owner/operator of Just Chill Custom Gifting By Carol.