Photo Credit: Unknown, Social Media, 2020

Strength: A Man’s Burden; Trying to Achieve Society's Impossible Standards

So I know what you might be thinking "OMG she went there!!!! A damn political blog post. Isn't this supposed to be about JOY AND HAPPINESS?!!" First of all, calm down and chill politics is not where we’re going here. Nope! Not at all and hold the phones because you simply cannot judge a book by its cover ( i.e. the cover photo...like many I too know how to use “click bait” to my advantage...moooohahaha insert devil horns).

Anyway, moving on, now where was I? hum? Oh Yes! OK, so as I was saying , when I saw this posted on social media today the very last thing that crossed my mind was politics. What I did see and what stood out most for me was the underlying message behind this meme. It was the idea that for a young man to have feelings or experience moments sadness in life it somehow should make him weaker; that he should somehow feel less masculine for expressing and experiencing what it means to be a what’s that word again? oh yes, human.

As I gazed deeply and studied this image my heart absolutely broke for the boy on the left much more so then the boy on the right. I thought to myself how strange it was that a man’s self worth was based upon his inability to feel compassion and/or his inability to be comfortable siting for a spell within his own pain. I thought “wow what a horrible and terrible burden”.

I then thought about my own son, a kindhearted soul with a beyond his age ability to identify and express his emotions. I thought about how things for him could have differed if he was never provided the opportunity to be both a man of masculinity, as well as a man with the ability to express emotions. I thought about the burden we place on our men , on one hand, we bellow "hey you,  man up!” , while on the other hand, we beg and badge them to communicate with kindness and sensitivity, to openly express their feelings... but wait not to much because you might be labeled or looked at as something or someone less than what deemed acceptable to our societies status quo.

I have often wondered what masculinity really means to the men in our lives from their perspective. I mean, as a women I’ve held the head of a man I loved and watched him weep and I’ve cradled him tightly within my arms as he dissolved into the Abyss of his own pain, and never ONCE did I seem him or think of him as less than what he was in that moment; a man.

I often wonder if we have, as a society, created an almost impossible set of standards for them to live by. I’m not saying that, in part, by biological make up we aren’t inherently different as men and women, but I do wonder if our societal expectations on our men have needlessly created a set of rules or standards that they are sure to never fully be able to live up to? I wonder, have we and are we continuing to set them up for future failure but seeing then as less than because, well, they feel.

Well, I certainly don’t have all the answers to this one that is for damn sure. I’m still trying to live up to the impossible standards society has set for me as a woman for pete's sake! I guess the people to ask are our men 🤷🏽‍♀️ but it does beg the question why is a man who shows love, kindness, respect, honesty, integrity, and compassion for others not viewed more as a symbol of strength to inspire to be like, as opposed to being seen as weak or less than or something to shun and be ashamed of?

Life is truly perplexing sometimes now isn’t it? Anyway, as always being the coach that I am I ask you as fellow happiness ambassadors to ask yourselves a few questions today ...

Ask yourself:( if you’re a man )

What kind of man am I?

Who do I seek to become?

What makes me a piliar of strength?

And what happens to me as a man if I simply show emotions?

How can I contribute to fostering and nurturing a body balanced in strength and emotional vulnerability?

Ask yourself: ( if your a woman)

What kind of man do I want?

What kind of man do I want to raise?

How can I contribute to fostering and nurturing a body balanced in strength and emotional vulnerability?

Until next time remember to “let gratitude fuel your attitude “

Carol 

 

 Carol Hill is a mom, a long time nurse, certified professional  life and leadership development coach, a consultant, and Lead Happiness Ambassador and the owner/operator of Just Chill Custom Gifting By Carol.