Overcoming Our Fears Chapter One: Being Ignored

Being Ignored!

Funny thing, the other day as I was working on my new business venture I couldn’t help but think of all the times I’d been in this spot, working, creating, and crafting what I would again hope would be a perfect service, a great product; something I’d hope people would be interested in and proud of. But mostly something I’d hope they would not ignore. Damn I thought, this is not where I want to be again in my life...fearful of things I have no control of...I had to sit with it for a moment and I had to face a fear; again! 😖

You see, most of my adult life I have been a person who’s been easy to attract people into my life. Most days it feels like I’m a flame for the many moths of life. In contrast, however, I have also felt as if I’m a person who is also very easy to ignore and be forgotten by those same people . Most days it’s been rather perplexing thinking about the wavering dynamics of my various personal and professional interpersonal relationships. I mean how can one be attractive and be seemingly ignored all at the same damn time?

In fact, it kind of has contradicted what I’m often told by various people in my life, things like  “ you don't realize how you impact lives”, or that “you have really motivated me “. I was even told recently by a good friend that “ they couldn’t imagine a life without me” ( insert a black girl blush )! Yet still , I’ve never ever in my life quite felt like people have seen me or ,moreover, understood me or even cared to understand me really. I have felt, most days, one of the things I fear most; ignored.

Consequently and because of this I’ve had to learn many times in my life to simply live my life with zero expectations of anyone. I now many times just do my own thing regardless of anybody else.

Ultimately alone and being alone has probably been in part a trauma response to my fears of being ignored but it’s also helped me in becoming much more comfortable with sitting within the company of my own thoughts. Looking back now I remember there were days in my 20s and 30’s when I thought "wow how can people live like this ?" So void of human interaction? It really did weigh quite heavily upon my soul how forgotten and ignored I had thought I’d become ( or maybe have always been) to the people around me. At the time it mattered, it really mattered a lot!

It felt, most days, like I HAD to be loud to be heard , to be seen, to be recognized, to have some validation that my existence mattered to someone somewhere, but still I’ve never quite been able to lift my voice loud enough to be taken as seriously as I’d hoped. Hooohumm ‘‘tis life I suppose.

I think now , however, as I approach a half century of living ( woot woot !) that maybe it’s not that I’m being ignored or forgotten at all. Maybe by some divine manipulation I’m being guided into interactions and building relationships with a small but select group of people who without any effort or need for fanfare already hear and see me. We, in fact, and collectively see each other as a collective flame of love and light. We seek to lift each other up and in our circle ⭕️ their is little room for fearing the grips of feeling insignificant. We are equally yoked as ambassadors for love, kindness, happiness, respect, and joy. We are our own community of mothers, fathers, bothers, sisters, friends and more. We are not forgotten, we are not ignored; we are loved!

What I have also come to believe is that I see and hear them so easily because like attracts like. There is no need to try and fit a square peg into a round hole shaped relationship. These, the few have become my people, we see each other just fine and most importantly, we like what we see. That which we see in each other’s hearts and souls , again, can never be ignored or forgotten.

So, what does this mean ? Nothing, I guess, really, just today’s reflective thoughts on life, connection, purpose, and existence. It’s good to sit and ponder some days. 

 

Ask yourself: 

What is one of your greatest fears? 

What have you learned from it? 

What do you want to learn from it?

Until next time don’t forget to “ let your gratitude fuel your attitude “!

 

Carol 

 

 Carol Hill is a mom, a long time nurse, certified professional  life and leadership development coach, a consultant, and Lead Happiness Ambassador and the owner/operator of Just Chill Custom Gifting By Carol.