The Betrayal of Head and Heart & the Battle for My Soul: A Love Story
The Betrayal of Head and Heart & the Battle for My Soul: A Love Story
By Carol L Hill, CPC
"My soul was exposed, fully naked, baring truths for only you to see" ~ Stephanie Melish
What happens when your head and your heart betray you? Over the past several weeks my soul has gone through one of the most perplexing periods of loss and grief I have ever had. It is not that I’m not accustomed to losses or of feeling the pangs of grief, it’s just that this time it has simply feels internally different.
This time has felt as if I was experiencing an oddly seated internal level of emotional betrayal of which my heart and head have become so disengaged with one another, and so at odds with one another that it’s like viewing two opposing forces in a fierce battle for my soul and what is at the core of who I am.
On the one side, is my head, who is logically sound, at times cold, can be calculating, and even callous. My heads been here before and it has made several predictions that have become once again my reality. My head hurts and is pained deeply that my heart would once again lead us to this place of sadness, this place of loss, and of grief. My head has always played it safe and for several years now has kept us safely distracted and distanced from anything resembling .... well, this!
My head is tired and is feeling a level of pain it never thought it would ever feel again; betrayed, for my head, is a word that only scratches at the surface of what its feeling right now.
One the other side, however, is my heart. My heart has for those same several years went merrily along with my head. My heart never questioned the path my head was leading us down, my heart always longed for more, but never attempted in any way to take the lead. My heart lay dormant and detached, unmotivated, and exhausted from years of trying to unsuccessfully lead my head. It became comfortable to be led by my head; it became a refuge of safety and security.
But my heart, as it is conditioned to do, started to feel deeply for another. My head attempted many times to stop my heart from feeling again “Please STOP that heart! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!” My head shouted boldly and loudly, over and over again pounding on my chest hoping to get my hearts attention. But it was too late, my heart was hooked and could no longer hear my head. In fact, my heart wanted so deeply to love again that it became almost invisible to my head. My head searched daily, but in vain for my heart, my head grieved the loss of my heart and reached out several times to grab hold of my heart once again, but my heart was not there.
My head was saddened by the loss of my heart. My head lay dormant for a spell and waited. Until my heart as it always has reached out to my soul for guidance and clarity. My head heard the conversation my heart was having with my soul and my head felt betrayed! “Why would heart bring us back to this place! “, heart thought. Why when heart already knows the outcome will be sadness and grief? Head needed answers but my heart was still on a mission and in control.
It was not until my soul chimed in and proclaimed to both head and heart that “you both are right and to please me, you will BOTH have to take the lead of me “! What? Thought head, what? Thought heart? How could we both be right? And how would we both be able to lead? After all, it’s never been that way EVER, one of us has always taken the lead; ALWAYS!!
That’s when soul did what soul had never done before, soul stepped boldly forward and said softly looking to head first, “ you have both been vying for my affection for so very long, head, you have always protected heart and because of this I have always loved and adored you. You are my protector in every way, and I don’t know what I’d do without you”. I love you so very deeply. “
Now turning to heart, soul said boldly, “heart, you are so loving and giving. You give of yourself unto me and others so unselfishly. You are the light that guides my path in darkness, and I don’t know what I’d do without you”. I love you so very deeply. “
Heart and head were both touched deeply by what my soul had to say. For a moment head finally saw heart; my head loved my heart deeply and was sad heart was not there for a spell. Heart for a moment saw my head; my heart loved my head deeply as well and was both sad and ashamed to have left head behind for a spell.
My head turned to my heart and said softly “I love you and I’ve missed you, please never leave me again”. My heart turned to my head and said boldly “I love you too and I’ve missed you more than you will ever know! Please never let me stray that far away from you or soul ever again.”
My head and my heart are still mending fences but the battle for my soul has ended. Both head and heart know now what they must do to keep soul happy and loyal to both; they from this day forward need to work in tandem with one another in order to protect us all. Its simply what they need to do…
Maybe now, my soul can get some rest.
Carol Hill is a certified life coach and self-proclaimed happiness ambassador. For more information about Life coaching and to schedule a coaching appointment call 607-423-2650. A New Booking site will be available after August 15th, 2020.
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